Happy Birthday Mom!

My mother is one of the most influential person in my life.

But it was not always like that. As a young child, I only saw her demanding the best from me, nagging till she got me to live up to the best she saw in me. I did not see her sacrifice in becoming a dependent housewife so that her three children would have all of her time and effort.

When I told her about all those parents who were not even half as educated as her but had risen to high positions, she would smile and say “Do you think our maid will provide you with your favorite food, set up your clothes, wipe your tears, and clap her hands at your success at the appropriate time?” I don’t remember whether I was convinced.

Every time, the food was not as sumptuous as I thought it should be, or when I had misplaced my things even when she had handed it over, I was harsh in criticizing her. She never said anything and I never saw her tears.

I was of the opinion that since she was home, the least she could do was do everything perfectly.

She was unobtrusive about how I wanted to do things, what I wanted to wear, where I should go and who with up to the point where she was sure of my safety. This was very big for her since she grew up in a very conservative household under the eagle eye of her parents, grandmother and brothers. But, I did not see her effort in letting me be; all I saw and heard was ‘naggetty nag’.

Then I had to go and stay in Bangalore. I had to manage everything on my own.

I could not complain if the food was bad because that meant I stayed hungry. Because, I came late in the night and other food alternatives were limited almost amounting to zilch. I remembered all those times I had screamed at my mother for making something a little less perfect.

I had to wait for my time to take a bath and remember not to forget neither my towel nor my clothes. Far cry from when I was staying with my parents since when I went for a bath there, everything was already arranged in the bathroom.

I had to wash my clothes at a pre-appointed time when the water was available then dry them and iron them. How I missed my clothes being set up every morning by my efficient mother. I never thought until then what tasks went behind that perfect setting.

When I hurt myself, much as I wished, my mother could not be there to wipe my tears.

I realized the true magnitude of her sacrifice. I decided to make it up to her. I acknowledged her feats – her system and her obsession to cleanliness, showered her with compliments at every dish well-made and took her tips and ideas for easing up my life.

Even though I had realized her worth, I still cried while I apologized to her again over the phone after I saw “English Vinglish”; I was more like Sridevi’ daughter in this film.

I once asked her whether she had any regrets giving up the chance to be woman of independent means. She shrugged and said “Not really, all I ever wanted was a great family. If I had aspired for more money, more power, then yes, working hard to achieve that would have been the thing to do. But that would take a toll on my children and my husband and what I wanted. We had enough to live a comfortable life; indulge in luxuries once in a while so why should I not enjoy with my family?”

What she said next endeared her to me permanently “You on the other hand, must always be a woman of independent means whether you are single or married. Because you love your clothes, your gadgets, your travels, your accessories. Imagine asking someone else to fund it, I think instead you will probably stop doing all the things you love. I have always pushed you to your best so that you can do whatever you love doing without circumstances dictating it”.

I am glad that I had not procrastinated and decided to make it up to her immediately as I realized my folly. Because, I always used to feel “Come on, there is time to do it, why should I do it today?”

There may be people who have felt the extent of their loved ones’ worth but never got a chance to acknowledge it much less thank them for it. I am glad I am not one of them.

Dear Mom, I just want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for letting me live my dream, listening to me and giving me guidance without the high expectation that I would take your counsel.