My pillar, my strength, my critic, my guide... my Dad!

My brothers & I had been planning our Dad’ 70^th birthday since the last 3 years. Our plan was to fly down to Kerala, whisk our parents off to my exotic destination nearby to celebrate the day and then have a lavish weekend party with all our 100+ relatives and friends.

The countdown had started but so had all the obstacles. My brothers and their families could not fly down because of ‘n’ number of cannot-be-put-off things that had started raining down upon us.

Dad understood.

As he always had. Putting us & our needs first has always been second-nature to him.

As a child, my eyes had to only settle down on something for him to get it for me… of course, only if it was in my best interests. If we were studying too hard, he would tell us to watch Chitrahaar and Chayageet on Doordarshan because according to him small distractions sharpened your memory. He encouraged us to be all-rounders… he was just as pleased if we won a medal in sports or debate or even best handwriting as he was when we were ranked at the top in studies. He taught us compassion, empathy and how helping others increased your joy too… by his own example. Every holiday was spent either with relatives or embracing our common love for travelling to new cities and experiencing that culture thus broadening our horizons.

When we flew off his ‘nest’, he never caused any hindrance… in fact he had already sharpened our wings and taught us to be independent and strong and march ahead no matter how high the obstacles.

Who I am today and what I have achieved… he is one of the major contributors. I am sure my brothers would say the same thing.

I saw him trying hard to hide his disappointment at not being with his family for his 70^th birthday.  

That is when he had one of his ‘Eureka’ moments. So what, if his sons and grandsons could not make it? We could go there and he could still celebrate with his family, right?

“After all, what is a birthday without family?”, he asked.

“Nothing!”, we chorused.

I have realized that as our parents get older, their hopes and wishes are all centered around being with family especially during special occasions. They ‘understand’ that we are busy but their disappointments are also high at lost chances to be with family.

I have decided that just like I work towards all my relationships to achieve that fine balance, I will do the same for my parents. That is like an overdraft account… I have taken and taken and taken without a second thought and without them ever complaining… now it is my time to give, give and give some more of my time. I have been putting it off thinking we have time… who knows how much we do have indeed? It is probably when we lay counting moments before eternal sleep that we regret the moments lost or put off for another day… I want to go without any karmic debt or regrets on my plate… just embrace the new unknown adventure without looking back.

You have to cut your b'day cake with your family!

Thankfully, US visa with multiple entries is valid for 10 years & thus we could plan this trip right away. I think it was the perfect plan since there were no obstacles of note and impromptu trip was completed successfully without any fuss.

Dad got his wish. His family was right there with him celebrating through the weekend. He really connected with his grand-kids and he was able to even showcase some of his dormant culinary skills. He was so happy that it radiated out of his person. Check him out celebrating with his family... 

Take a b'day treat from the birthday boy!

Just chilling with our birthday boy!

We are glad that we got an opportunity to let him know how special he truly is and how blessed we are that he is OUR DAD!

Happy 70^th Dad! You are the best!

Resuming formal education at 40? Take that leap of faith...

After I finished my Masters 17 years ago, I had thought I was ‘done’ with formal education. Even though you are never really done learning ever in your life no matter what is your career of choice especially if you want to really do well, I just thought well… those days of studying intensely for a 1-3 hour exams, practical, projects and viva voce were truly behind me.

Then, there were those moments of introspecting on how to better my designing prospects and advising people turning to me during their hour of need. I figured that an effective way ‘to kill two birds with one stone’ would be to understand the working of human mind. What did I have to lose? When I read that we are very short of counselors to deal with the mental health scene in India, well… that totally sealed the deal. In any case, I think that a 'Dr.' in front of my name will lend more credence to that advice that I dole out every day... you think?

A full-time course was out of question considering my present responsibilities and thus distance education became a good recourse for me to pursue my 2^nd Masters … this time in Psychology with the incentive to continue to get my Doctorate. 

I was so excited when I was enrolled successfully into IGNOU for my Masters. I remember how I had danced and told everyone who cared to hear about this feat. Some were just as excited, some were plain skeptical considering my age and some thought that I was plain crazy. 

I did not care that day.

Sneak Peek at the Reading Material for Year 1.

Then came the reading material and list of reference books and assignments by post; the postman was staggering and rolling his eyes at me when he realized those were mine (he has known me so long... am sure the old man thought I was nuts).

At first, I just stared at the pile of reading material and then when I picked one up and read the list of reading material at the end of each unit lesson, all that initial euphoria turned into skepticism. Maybe, I had gone nuts?

By the next morning, I had decided that I would try to read one material of each subject (there are 6 subjects and 64 credits to successfully complete before moving to the second year); after all they say “No pain, no gain”, right?

It has been a month and I try to study for 3 hours each day. I have to practice my writing by hand… because of technology with its auto-correct and reviews, you get multiple chances to do a fantastic job… but what you have penned by hand… well there is no taking it back (I really hate striking out words after mistakes)  and there is the time limit too.

Ohhh dear!

I won’t lie and say it was smooth sailing… on the contrary, initially it was very tough. I would read and promptly forget what I read yesterday. But after a week, I was able to retain some things, and I figured I was able to retain more when I applied the same to my everyday life. Worse was writing by hand… what I wrote was scarcely legible, my thoughts were all over the paper without any structure and my hand would ache incessantly.

Even now I won’t go so much to say that learning has become as natural as breathing… but yeah, I get on much more easily. I am better at putting things into perspective, I do get novel design ideas and I am able to perceive which ones are worth pursuing. My hand is aches-free; it has got used to the long haul… is my guess.

I am glad I renewed my formal learning. If some of you are considering doing the same after a lonnnng gap, but are afraid to take that first few steps… don’t worry … take that leap of faith… maybe you land on /over your head but I think you will do better with every passing day… with patience and perseverance.

  

Now that's how Onam should be!

Onam is one of the most important festivals of Kerala and it is celebrated by every Keralite irrespective of religion, caste or creed in honour of the return of the mythical king Mahabali every year on this day to see his subjects leading prosperous lives.

Onam 2016 Selfie

This Thiruvonam (main day of Onam), I was dressed in traditional Kerala sari with that red & green necklace and matching jhumkas which I think every Malayalee girl would possess.  As I was waiting for my friend I reminisced about my Onam celebrations of old.

From when I could remember, we had the same type of celebrations - I would don a new dress / sari with jasmine flowers on my hair and go over to my bestie’ house for the mouth-watering traditional “Sadya” (meal) that her Mom would have prepared but not before I had a chance to sample all the goodies that came from every Keralite household in my society.

The traditional “pookolam” (floral rangoli) would be up at the entrance of almost every household. The doors would lay open and you could just enjoy the aroma of the same 20+ dishes being prepared in a very typical way as was the culture in that part of Kerala to which the household belonged.

I would have at least 5 invites so I would spend different parts of the two days – “Uttaradam” (Onam eve) & Thiruvonam, sampling variations of the same 20+ dishes. One of my besties who hails from Thallasery had even non-vegetarian dishes on the menu as was the culture in that northern part of Kerala. After 2 days of feasting, I would look and feel like a beached whale … albeit content.

If I was in Kerala, all the members of the family would have gather together and every nuclear household would contribute one dish or all the members would join to prepare the traditional dishes irrespective of gender and age. All members would have some role to play. At the junction, we could see women performing the traditional Kaikottikalli (traditional dance) and swinging on those makeshift floral swings. If you were celebrating in Thrissur, you could go to watch the Pulli kalli (trained performers in leopard costumes dance to the beats of instruments).

Typical Onam Celebrations. Pic Credit: Google & Whatsapp

The Aranmula boat race would be broadcasted on some TV channel and everyone would cheer as if your own family member were on one of the boats.

Not to forget was watching all the newly released movies aired on different TV channels. When you are watching movies with all your friends / cousins while feasting on payasam, banana chips and “sarkara uperi”, you are not even affected too much by the 100+ ads in between.

Things have changed in this day and age where almost everything is ‘automatically ordered’.

This Uttaradam, I was reminded that I had to be at my friend’ place at 12:30 p.m. or so. Obviously, I was curious because I would have loved to help her dish up the traditional Onam fare. I was in for a surprise because every dish in that Sadya and the banana leaf in which it was to be eaten would be provided by the caterer. All I had to do was “look gorgeous”! Oh, and the “sadya” was really good but somewhere in my mind, I had that slight maybe irrational discontent that it was not “made at home”.

Anyway, that vanished as I reached my bestie’ place on Thiruvonam. Her pookolam graced the entrance; it was nothing that you would go wow on but the very fact that she who did not do such things, had actually taken the effort... made me go Wowww bestie! Her Mom was in residence… it had been quite a while since I had the Sadya prepared by her Mom for Onam. Every dish had that distinctive taste that I had acquired over the last 30 years and hence could recall quite vividly. To enjoy every morsel of every course, I was careful to reduce portion of rice per course. So, I could take several helpings too. I was once again a contented beached whale as I watched bits & parts of the latest movies. I felt as if I had got into my own time capsule & taken a blast to the past and back.

Now that is how my ideal Onam should be! Hope you had a special one too.

Happy Onam!