My pillar, my strength, my critic, my guide... my Dad!

My brothers & I had been planning our Dad’ 70^th birthday since the last 3 years. Our plan was to fly down to Kerala, whisk our parents off to my exotic destination nearby to celebrate the day and then have a lavish weekend party with all our 100+ relatives and friends.

The countdown had started but so had all the obstacles. My brothers and their families could not fly down because of ‘n’ number of cannot-be-put-off things that had started raining down upon us.

Dad understood.

As he always had. Putting us & our needs first has always been second-nature to him.

As a child, my eyes had to only settle down on something for him to get it for me… of course, only if it was in my best interests. If we were studying too hard, he would tell us to watch Chitrahaar and Chayageet on Doordarshan because according to him small distractions sharpened your memory. He encouraged us to be all-rounders… he was just as pleased if we won a medal in sports or debate or even best handwriting as he was when we were ranked at the top in studies. He taught us compassion, empathy and how helping others increased your joy too… by his own example. Every holiday was spent either with relatives or embracing our common love for travelling to new cities and experiencing that culture thus broadening our horizons.

When we flew off his ‘nest’, he never caused any hindrance… in fact he had already sharpened our wings and taught us to be independent and strong and march ahead no matter how high the obstacles.

Who I am today and what I have achieved… he is one of the major contributors. I am sure my brothers would say the same thing.

I saw him trying hard to hide his disappointment at not being with his family for his 70^th birthday.  

That is when he had one of his ‘Eureka’ moments. So what, if his sons and grandsons could not make it? We could go there and he could still celebrate with his family, right?

“After all, what is a birthday without family?”, he asked.

“Nothing!”, we chorused.

I have realized that as our parents get older, their hopes and wishes are all centered around being with family especially during special occasions. They ‘understand’ that we are busy but their disappointments are also high at lost chances to be with family.

I have decided that just like I work towards all my relationships to achieve that fine balance, I will do the same for my parents. That is like an overdraft account… I have taken and taken and taken without a second thought and without them ever complaining… now it is my time to give, give and give some more of my time. I have been putting it off thinking we have time… who knows how much we do have indeed? It is probably when we lay counting moments before eternal sleep that we regret the moments lost or put off for another day… I want to go without any karmic debt or regrets on my plate… just embrace the new unknown adventure without looking back.

You have to cut your b'day cake with your family!

Thankfully, US visa with multiple entries is valid for 10 years & thus we could plan this trip right away. I think it was the perfect plan since there were no obstacles of note and impromptu trip was completed successfully without any fuss.

Dad got his wish. His family was right there with him celebrating through the weekend. He really connected with his grand-kids and he was able to even showcase some of his dormant culinary skills. He was so happy that it radiated out of his person. Check him out celebrating with his family... 

Take a b'day treat from the birthday boy!

Just chilling with our birthday boy!

We are glad that we got an opportunity to let him know how special he truly is and how blessed we are that he is OUR DAD!

Happy 70^th Dad! You are the best!

Resuming formal education at 40? Take that leap of faith...

After I finished my Masters 17 years ago, I had thought I was ‘done’ with formal education. Even though you are never really done learning ever in your life no matter what is your career of choice especially if you want to really do well, I just thought well… those days of studying intensely for a 1-3 hour exams, practical, projects and viva voce were truly behind me.

Then, there were those moments of introspecting on how to better my designing prospects and advising people turning to me during their hour of need. I figured that an effective way ‘to kill two birds with one stone’ would be to understand the working of human mind. What did I have to lose? When I read that we are very short of counselors to deal with the mental health scene in India, well… that totally sealed the deal. In any case, I think that a 'Dr.' in front of my name will lend more credence to that advice that I dole out every day... you think?

A full-time course was out of question considering my present responsibilities and thus distance education became a good recourse for me to pursue my 2^nd Masters … this time in Psychology with the incentive to continue to get my Doctorate. 

I was so excited when I was enrolled successfully into IGNOU for my Masters. I remember how I had danced and told everyone who cared to hear about this feat. Some were just as excited, some were plain skeptical considering my age and some thought that I was plain crazy. 

I did not care that day.

Sneak Peek at the Reading Material for Year 1.

Then came the reading material and list of reference books and assignments by post; the postman was staggering and rolling his eyes at me when he realized those were mine (he has known me so long... am sure the old man thought I was nuts).

At first, I just stared at the pile of reading material and then when I picked one up and read the list of reading material at the end of each unit lesson, all that initial euphoria turned into skepticism. Maybe, I had gone nuts?

By the next morning, I had decided that I would try to read one material of each subject (there are 6 subjects and 64 credits to successfully complete before moving to the second year); after all they say “No pain, no gain”, right?

It has been a month and I try to study for 3 hours each day. I have to practice my writing by hand… because of technology with its auto-correct and reviews, you get multiple chances to do a fantastic job… but what you have penned by hand… well there is no taking it back (I really hate striking out words after mistakes)  and there is the time limit too.

Ohhh dear!

I won’t lie and say it was smooth sailing… on the contrary, initially it was very tough. I would read and promptly forget what I read yesterday. But after a week, I was able to retain some things, and I figured I was able to retain more when I applied the same to my everyday life. Worse was writing by hand… what I wrote was scarcely legible, my thoughts were all over the paper without any structure and my hand would ache incessantly.

Even now I won’t go so much to say that learning has become as natural as breathing… but yeah, I get on much more easily. I am better at putting things into perspective, I do get novel design ideas and I am able to perceive which ones are worth pursuing. My hand is aches-free; it has got used to the long haul… is my guess.

I am glad I renewed my formal learning. If some of you are considering doing the same after a lonnnng gap, but are afraid to take that first few steps… don’t worry … take that leap of faith… maybe you land on /over your head but I think you will do better with every passing day… with patience and perseverance.

  

Now that's how Onam should be!

Onam is one of the most important festivals of Kerala and it is celebrated by every Keralite irrespective of religion, caste or creed in honour of the return of the mythical king Mahabali every year on this day to see his subjects leading prosperous lives.

Onam 2016 Selfie

This Thiruvonam (main day of Onam), I was dressed in traditional Kerala sari with that red & green necklace and matching jhumkas which I think every Malayalee girl would possess.  As I was waiting for my friend I reminisced about my Onam celebrations of old.

From when I could remember, we had the same type of celebrations - I would don a new dress / sari with jasmine flowers on my hair and go over to my bestie’ house for the mouth-watering traditional “Sadya” (meal) that her Mom would have prepared but not before I had a chance to sample all the goodies that came from every Keralite household in my society.

The traditional “pookolam” (floral rangoli) would be up at the entrance of almost every household. The doors would lay open and you could just enjoy the aroma of the same 20+ dishes being prepared in a very typical way as was the culture in that part of Kerala to which the household belonged.

I would have at least 5 invites so I would spend different parts of the two days – “Uttaradam” (Onam eve) & Thiruvonam, sampling variations of the same 20+ dishes. One of my besties who hails from Thallasery had even non-vegetarian dishes on the menu as was the culture in that northern part of Kerala. After 2 days of feasting, I would look and feel like a beached whale … albeit content.

If I was in Kerala, all the members of the family would have gather together and every nuclear household would contribute one dish or all the members would join to prepare the traditional dishes irrespective of gender and age. All members would have some role to play. At the junction, we could see women performing the traditional Kaikottikalli (traditional dance) and swinging on those makeshift floral swings. If you were celebrating in Thrissur, you could go to watch the Pulli kalli (trained performers in leopard costumes dance to the beats of instruments).

Typical Onam Celebrations. Pic Credit: Google & Whatsapp

The Aranmula boat race would be broadcasted on some TV channel and everyone would cheer as if your own family member were on one of the boats.

Not to forget was watching all the newly released movies aired on different TV channels. When you are watching movies with all your friends / cousins while feasting on payasam, banana chips and “sarkara uperi”, you are not even affected too much by the 100+ ads in between.

Things have changed in this day and age where almost everything is ‘automatically ordered’.

This Uttaradam, I was reminded that I had to be at my friend’ place at 12:30 p.m. or so. Obviously, I was curious because I would have loved to help her dish up the traditional Onam fare. I was in for a surprise because every dish in that Sadya and the banana leaf in which it was to be eaten would be provided by the caterer. All I had to do was “look gorgeous”! Oh, and the “sadya” was really good but somewhere in my mind, I had that slight maybe irrational discontent that it was not “made at home”.

Anyway, that vanished as I reached my bestie’ place on Thiruvonam. Her pookolam graced the entrance; it was nothing that you would go wow on but the very fact that she who did not do such things, had actually taken the effort... made me go Wowww bestie! Her Mom was in residence… it had been quite a while since I had the Sadya prepared by her Mom for Onam. Every dish had that distinctive taste that I had acquired over the last 30 years and hence could recall quite vividly. To enjoy every morsel of every course, I was careful to reduce portion of rice per course. So, I could take several helpings too. I was once again a contented beached whale as I watched bits & parts of the latest movies. I felt as if I had got into my own time capsule & taken a blast to the past and back.

Now that is how my ideal Onam should be! Hope you had a special one too.

Happy Onam!

How I was simply overwhelmed during my birthday week!

My besties wanted to overwhelm me with surprises on my birthday the same way I had them during theirs. In retrospect, I think hectic preparations may have been on before my birthday though they gave no indication of it.

Sanjana' portrait of me!

Shalini' painting depicting our friendship

This birthday was a ‘surprise’ in that I did not have the normal birthday thingeys like cake cutting or partying. One of my besties – Sanjana, did surprise me though by spending the entire day with me doing the mundane stuff; her company coupled with the numerous phone calls with best wishes all day made it special though. The birthday party was planned for the weekend @ my other bestie – Shalini’ place. I was curious to find what they had planned but Sanjana who was driving me over did not seem to have anything in place really; I mean I was expecting at least a birthday present. Maybe Shalini was in charge of the presents, I thought to myself. The aroma of Kerala ‘sadya’ (multi-course meal) wafted through my nostrils as I walked in through the door of Shalini' house. I felt soooo ‘happily’ hungry because this is one of my favorite cuisines; it is an elaborate preparation so I was pleasantly surprised & happy that they had made all that effort just for me. Shalini had baked a chocolate cake. They sang the birthday song for me as if I blew the candles; I felt like a little child. The theme of the party was ‘unique & self-produced’; they said. It all started with the friendship scrolls they handed over to me which made me go ‘Awwwwww’. Then came Sanjana’ gift – a portrait of me and Shalini’ – a painting of two friends accurately depicting our relationship. I was simply floored but before I had time to collect my wits, a video had started on their HD television screen. They parted to let me see the video. Every family member in their families and mine spoke beautiful words of wishes and about their relationship with me in general. Collating all the videos from every family member into a single 27-minute video may not have been easy but they did it and the presentation was simply flawless that even I could not help feeling very overwhelmed. I got so many other gifts that I struggled with the packets all the way home. Being so overwhelmed with joy, I opened all the gifts and placed them close and admired them till I fell asleep. What a perfect ending of the birthday week!

Well the start was just as awesome!

My photo b'day cake

My group of childhood friends had planned a ‘destination birthday’ surprise for me for which they had ‘booked’ me in advance. The ‘destination’ was a resort – Orchard Resort, nestled in the Western Ghats near Lonavla with our rooms having a really good view of the mountains. The rains had just started so we sat out in the balcony enjoying that spectacular view and eating all those fried delicacies which tastes best during such weather. I read the letter that my dear nephew Krishna had made for me & reread it till lunch. The lunch buffet was an eclectic mix of various cuisines which we spent an hour or two sampling. While some of my friends had a sound siesta after that rather heavy lunch, the rest of us went off to enjoy the various amenities of the resort starting with the swimming pool. The weather was perfect – the rains had stopped as if to let us have a good swim, it was cool even at 2:30 in the afternoon and the sun stayed hidden behind the clouds. I tried my luck at the pool table but unfortunately I still continue to suck at it even after all these years. I was ok at the rest of the games not very good which left the ‘competitive’ me feeling a wee bit dull. Only momentarily though! Because then we started the game of Dumb Charades Boys vs Girls; each of us trying to be better than the other. There was a lot of screaming and abusing about some ‘cheating’ by the other team; of course, that is to be expected in this game. After the dinner buffet where we focused mostly on the ‘live’ pasta counter, out came the surprise photo cake with my worst-ever picture to boot.

I found humor in that photo however; because it reminded me of those days where even boiling tea was an unmitigated disaster for me. The icing was however the cupcakes fashioned with different aspects of me – author/blogger, traveler, fashionista & the like. Some more games with the usual bickering over ‘cheating’, refreshing sleep and an elaborate breakfast after, we drove back home. That was one of the most relaxing birthday weekends that I had experienced all thanks to my childhood friends.

The best gift though is to have such caring friends who go to great lengths to make you feel special! Thank you my dear friends!

40 everyday things for your bestie who turned forty!

So, its birthday celebrations again; another one of my oldie besties – Sanjana turned 40.

Frankly, the hangover of celebrating the birthday of one oldie bestie – Priya was still on when I had to plan this one. Why do all my besties have to be born within weeks of each other; it makes it so much more difficult to plan something unique and meaningful at such short notice?

But, when the going gets tough, the tough get going and I got one of those Eureka moments. No, I was neither in the bath nor under any apple tree; I was catching those 40 winks when that moment came upon me.

If you have known your bestie for over 25 years, chances are that you know everything she likes and gets her going… Hmmmmmmmm!

So, we decided to get her 40 of those everyday things that she favours highly. One of those was a scrapbook (she loves these trips of nostalgia) where we wrote the story of our (the three of us – Sanjana, Shalini & I) first meeting and her transformation that we have witnessed. Shalini has got the most amazing handwriting; we figured we should go back to how we celebrated birthday before technology took over.

Birthday card (not an ecard that is much more in vogue these days) made a reappearance too and when we wrote with our own hand, it reminded us of the preparations we would do during our birthday celebrations of old. The reward for that sheer effort used to be that beatific smile on our bestie’ face. We replicated that quite well this time; I must say.

Now for the ‘surprise’ part. We called Sanjana over on the pretext of a doctor’ appointment. Sanjana was so besides herself with worry that she sprained her neck but still made it in time to take me for my appointment. When Shalini and I yelled ‘Surprise’, Sanjana screamed at the top of her voice. That scared us so much that we forgot to burst the balloons as planned. Not to worry though; probably the balloons knew of our plan so they burst by themselves shortly thereafter without our intervention.

We presented Sanjana with the birthday card and the scrapbook and then recited to her the significance of each of our 40 gifts. She was so overwhelmed that she needed to be prodded out of her reverie several times. We had divided the gifts into the following categories with the overall theme color as PEACH & RED

• Clothing that we would love for her to wear; she can carry off pretty much anything
• Accessories to enhance her already gorgeous looks
• Personalized Decoratives to surround her with the feeling of how special she is to us
• Food that we know she absolutely craves

The bestie trio

She looked at the photo-frame (1 of the 40 items) with our favorite picture and said those words that Sameer said in the movie ‘Dil Chahtha Hai’ –

“Ya to dosti gehri hai ya tho ye photo 3D hai”!

Needless to say, there were hugs and selfies galore after that.

Give this idea a try if you want to surprise that special friend in your life; believe me, you will have your reward.

Happpppppy Fortieth dearest Sanjana! 

My experience on an IRCTC tour to sacred Hindu cities of Prayag, Kashi, Gaya and Ayodhya

Having a whale of a time

As a child, I had read the Hindu mythological stories and I had been fascinated by the descriptions of good and evil and finally how good always triumphs over evil. The avatars of the Gods and their favorite places have been on my mind ever since. When these stories were brought to life on TV, my fascination only increased tenfold. I had promised myself a trip to some of these places almost 25 years ago but I could never make it due to some issue or another. I was almost about to give up hope when lo and behold, my friend Hetal asked me if I would like to go on a tour of some of sacred Hindu cities with her and that too in a couple of days.
I could not believe it! You chase something for years and it never materializes and then when you are almost on the verge of giving up, you find that chance right before you. I was not going to lose this opportunity for sure.
Without even a moment of hesitation, I said yes.

Well, after the details of the journey came through, my confidence started slipping.... no, eroding by the second. First, the entire tour of 8 days was on a train and that too non-AC. I haven't travelled much less lived in trains since 1992. The May heat was sure to kill me if not for the food in the train which I had heard horror stories about. But, this trip was very important to me and I didn't know when a chance with ALL my criteria would be met; I mean, it had not materialized in 25 years until now, right? I decided to rid my mind of negative thoughts and worked on these words - "What does not kill you would only make you stronger".

I boarded the IRCTC Tourism Bharat Darshan train from Pune along with Hetal. She told me that she had been equally skeptical at first but she had been determined to see the tour through; she has guts of steel so, that's hardly surprising. The announcement for the train came about half hour before the scheduled time and we rushed to the platform where the train was scheduled to come; we were quite amazed at Indian Railways train arriving earlier than scheduled. Soon the amazement became disappointment since the train arrived almost 40 minutes after the scheduled time & departed almost an hour later than the scheduled departure time. By this time, we had settled into our seats and we were quite sleepy too because it was the wee hours of morning. The seats were comfortable and since it was night time, we did not feel the heat as such. So, we decided to catch-up on our sleep and since the next day was to be spent in the train itself, we could sleep in till whatever time possible.

I got up groggy and looked at my watch. It was just 5:00 a.m. and I had been asleep for less than 3 hours. As I was wondering what had woke me up, some guy in uniform turned up in front of me with a smile and a cup of hot tea. As I was reaching out for my bag to pay him, he said with his smile not leaving his face that food is included in the trip. Oh ok! Now, I had very low expectations of the quality of tea but I was in for a surprise - the tea was sweet and had this strong flavor of cardamoms. Hetal & I looked at each other in surprise and amazement. Since our expectations bar had been raised, we forgot how sleepy we were and kept watch for 1 more cup of hot tea; such was our greed. We did not get tea but got breakfast instead.... at 5:30 a.m. with a smile. Smile or not, who has breakfast at 5:30 a.m. that too on a holiday? Not me, for sure! From the looks of it, most of the others were not expecting this either. When the guy in uniform asked me if there was a problem with the breakfast with a look of concern filling in where a smile was lingering before, Hetal & I smiled back and started eating. Thereafter, we could not sleep because people were boarding and this continued to well about 10:30 a.m. Suddenly, the loudspeaker blared and the tour manager started with his welcome speech and told us that each coach would be handled by a different escort manager. No sooner had he said this, our escort manager materialized in front of us; a rather cute very very young guy. Hetal & I muttered to each other whether he was fresh out of school or something. He also had a smile on his face and we commented as to whether these men in railway uniform had been given drugs or what; I mean who can hold a smile that long, right? So, Mr. Cute Verrrry Verrrry Young Guy introduced himself as Ankit & said that he would help us whenever required and that lunch would be served shortly.
We looked at each other and at our watches in quick intervals. Lunch at 10:30 a.m.; who are these people ever smiling and giving us food at odd times?
The lady seated across from us told us that she had done multiple IRCTC tours with her family and such were the practices followed during trips. We wondered as to why nobody complained before but she was patient in explaining to us that the coaches were served one at a time, so serving so many coaches and finishing by 1 p.m. required the Railways to start early.

Hot Lunch on train

We had raised the expectations bar ever so slightly after the tea & breakfast experience but when lunch was served, we forgot that it was just 11 a.m. Because, lunch was simple but very hot and there is nothing more tasty than having warm daal, rice and curry. Icing on the cake was the fryums.... the guy in uniform did not mind giving me 3 helpings of fryums... with a smile. I was soooo overwhelmed and when I thought I could take no more, the guy who was serving us water asked us if we had empty bottles that he could then fill for us. Double wowwww!!!! At home, I have to do the cooking, setting up by myself and by the time, I actually sit down, food is cold and I have forgotten my water. Here, I was being handed hot food, cold water and more for the road. Since the food was simple, and the heat was killing, I actually went off to sleep in the afternoon... I almost never do that. But not before we tried an experiment that our tour veteran told us; we soaked some towels in water and tied it across the windows and it kept out the heat for some time. I woke up refreshed after 3 hours by which time the previously soaked towels had become stiff and dry. Then Hetal and I decided to get to know the others seated around us. 1 glaring thing was that most of the people on the tour were much older than us; obviously I am excluding the guys in railway uniform. They looked at us with equal curiosity; some even commented that we were doing this trip a tad too early. I wanted to tell them I was almost 25 years late for this trip but who argues with sweet old people? Besides, I had them giving me some awesome homemade stuff to eat and inquiring about my health throughout the trip; Hetal was quite miffed that she was excluded from all these sweet things. It must be my face; I do have one of those 'pooooor lil girl' or 'pavum' faces, I think.

Dinner was just like lunch; served early but hot with a smile. By this time, my iPhone battery was almost on the verge of nil. There was 1 plug point for about 60 passengers on that coach. In this age of mobile phones being your shadow, the Railways need to step up and provide more charging points especially since the bulk of the tour is spent in the train. Tempers were flaring but died down after a while... or maybe I did not hear them because I fell asleep thinking I would charge it in the morning at our place of accommodation.

Allahabad Selfie

We landed in Allahabad City Railway Station and were asked to just carry 1 spare set of clothes for the day and keep the rest of our luggage in the train itself. When we reached our accommodation / dharamashala, my heart plummeted to the ground. The dharamshala was like a haphazard house which seemed to spill out everywhere. Narrow steps led to the top floors. I was almost afraid of a stampede considering that there were about 350 people in that meager space. By the time, Hetal & I overcame our trepidation and ventured to look for bathrooms, we were shocked some more to see people crammed into queues to use the bathroom facilities. We were about 30-35 people behind; a bath to become human again seemed more like a dream. What was worse was that water was not available due to some fault in the pumps. It was almost like we were being tested for our endurance. Suddenly, some people got an idea that when they could all take a dip in the holy waters of the Ganga without much of a queue, they should not be here waiting. Within minutes, the crowd dispersed and we were catapulted to the front of the now empty line. I had a very nice bath after the pump was repaired as did Hetal. Once we felt human again, we were suitably energized to tour Allahabad.

Allahabad Tour: Click for details 

Hetal & her 'paan'

As we settled into our train again, Hetal & I talked to each other about what we liked in Allahabad. Hetal liked the paan that she bought just outside our dharamasala before we toured Allahabad. I remembered how nice some of the locals had been. For example, we got into a cafe to have some coffee and refreshments and the owner was so nice to us; he even recommended the stops that we should definitely make - Chandrasekar Azad Park / Maidan, Khusrau Bagh and even told us the shortest way to get there. The guy who served us coffee even told us to give him empty bottles so that he could fill them with cold drinking water. The coffee and the hospitality was so awesome that we stopped there once again after Khusrau Bagh for another cup of that refreshing coffee. We did feel a wee bit threatened at Khusrau Bagh near the three mausoleums but it could have been curiosity of those guys too. Tip: If you feel even a slight bit threatened or you are outnumbered by the guys lounging there, wait for families to turn up before venturing in; its better to be wrong yet safe than be sorry.

Amber Cafe - What a coffee!

The heat had drained us out still we were better off than many other people on the train who were suffering from the effects of heat and in some cases food too. Tip: Keep your head well-covered in the sun and sip water or fluids every half hour. Take a cloth and dip it in cold water and tie it around your water bottle so that the water does not become warm before your have a chance to finish it.
I slept like a log and woke up to us reaching the most sacred city in Hindu religion - Kashi. Even though, the Dharamashala here also left a lot to be desired, it did not matter much because we spent most of the day and night outdoors.

Kashi Selfie

Kashi Tour: Click for details

While recounting the events of the day, both of us had one common complaint. Some of the people on the train wasted such a lot of water, washing all their clothes and bathing in running water. It was a stark contrast to some of those districts in Maharashtra that we had passed on our journey here where water could not be found for miles. I even thought that many of these passengers had the brainwave of getting not only themselves purified in the waters of the Ganga but also their clothes; such frenzied washing was what we witnessed. Absolutely crazy!
I dreamed about Kashi most of the night; it is such a magical place. Even with the goats and cows at almost every step; let them pass you please. I had this experience of cows and goats shaking their head at me while passing me... I could not find out what they had wanted from me; maybe they were warning me about something. This was one of the things I dreamed about that night - goats and cows running after me shaking their heads. Nevertheless, I had a restful night.

Gaya Selfie

The next morning, we were at Gaya Railway Station. It was announced that the people from all other coaches would go to one Dharamashala and the passengers on our coach would go to another. The passengers on our coach were quite happy to have been given this deal because it would mean less crowding. I was very skeptical because of the experience of the previous dharamashalas and then, I was horrified because the interior of the dharamashala was not even cleaned; there was dust all around and the toilets were absolutely hopeless in that they were dark and smelly. Hetal & I were almost finalizing an OYO room when it was declared that we would go the dharamasala that the passengers from other coaches had been taken to. When we reached there however, all the good rooms / dorms were taken and we got the unfinished, haphazardly cemented top floor. We were almost at the end of our tether and in a bit of a dilemma whether we should book that hotel room or not. But that would mean, we would get separated from our coach members and quite frankly that looked to be a daunting thought in Bihar.

Gaya Tour: Click for details

Gamcha-clad men outside unfinished houses

We found that guys typically wore these pajamas-banians (vest) and a 'gamcha' (like a neck-scarf) and the women wore their 'ghoonghat' (sari draped like a scarf on the head) right up to their noses. I followed this too because I found it quite effective to keep out the sun, you see.
We flipped over their sing-song way of explaining the directions to us in Hindi though we had to follow the direction of their hands to a 'T' too - "Aage jaake waha (shown by gestures only) dhal jaeega" and the like.
Gosh! it was like those Hindi movies live, up close & personal.

Gaya Dharmashala

We stayed back in that dharamashala that night but it was not as bad as we had initially thought. This despite the fact that for the first time in my entire life, I slept on a cement floor with some other members of our coach in a sequence. We take so many things for granted; it is times like these that we realize the true worth of those things. Hetal & the rest of them could not sleep because mosquitoes made mincemeat of them; surprisingly they left me alone and so, I slept quite well. One more thing that wrecked havoc on them was the fact that most of the time, there was no electricity; I slept through that too.
Tips: You should carry Odomos for protecting yourself from mosquitoes, a fan to give yourself a break from the heat and a Power Bank to charge up your electronic goods like phones and cameras.

Ayodhya Selfie

One more first for me was squatting in the railway station; you see, my legs were almost asleep from all the walking, the seats on the platform were taken and I was at a point beyond caring. Once you get over that thought of people staring at you, it is really ok; I was not the only one anyway.... most of the passengers were doing the exact same thing.



Last city was Ayodhya and this time the Dharamashala was far better than any of the previous ones at least for me.

Ayodhya Tour: Click for details

The Ram Temple dispute was a big topic of discussion in the train - even though there were different streams of thought, one common thread that I found was that everybody wanted peace and absolutely no further bloodshed. The next day again, we were totally train-bound as we traveled back to Pune. The tour was coming to a close. There were people upset with each other through this journey of 8 days and last day seemed to be a good time to hash it out. Hetal & I being peace-loving creatures did not indulge in taking sides or anything. We just spent our time between charging our phone (yes, we found out on the last day, that there are FEW coaches where there are 4 charging points per aisle), updating our contact lists with our new found friends and sending out

With our new friends!

pictures of the tour taken on our phones. Much better use of our time!
We were to reach Pune at 4:00 a.m. but as per the new schedule, we would reach only by 12:30 p.m. My trip to Mumbai would place me home late in the evening only. I was so sad; then a brainwave hit. We had to cross Mumbai on our way to Pune and my wonderful luck and grace of God continued because of which we reached Kalyan Jn. by 5:14 a.m. I was home by 7:12 a.m. Hetal reached Pune station after 1:30 p.m. and home well after 2:30 p.m. Imagine the kind of mood she was in!

Overall, I had a whale of a time despite the difficult circumstances sometimes but there were much more situations which far exceeded my expectations. I thank my friend Hetal from the bottom of my heart for being instrumental in the realization of my dream; without her, it would not have been possible.

What a trip!!!!!

My advice: If you have a dream, don't lose sight of it because you don't know when you may get a chance to realize it. Once you get that chance, hang on to it. Maybe there will be some extreme situation and maybe not... whatever happens, at the end you will be glad that you took that chance!
Happy Touring!

Ayodhya / Awadh / Saketh

Ayodhya is one of the Saptapuri (seven sacred cities) in the Hindu religion. Nestled in the banks of the Sarayu river, Lord Rama (seventh avatar of Lord Vishnu) is believed to have been born in this city as per the Ramayana (ancient Hindu text). A pilgrimage to this city is considered to increase Punya (virtues) and decrease Paap (vices).

Sarayu River

Before setting foot in any temple in Ayodhya, the pilgrims must take a dip in the Sarayu river. Legend has it that Lord Rama and his brother Lakshman left this earthly abode by jumping into the Sarayu river. Where Lord Rama is, his most devout disciple Lord Hanuman cannot be far behind. So, you can find many temples dedicated to Lord Hanuman who played a key role in finding Sita at Lanka where Ravana had imprisoned her after abducting her.

Valmiki' Ashram

When Valmiki started writing the Ramayana, he opened with the glories of this city, its monarch and its people. You can see the texts on the wall of Valmiki' ashram.

Ram and Sita 

Many of the pilgrims were impatient to see the Ram Temple which is under dispute (The original temple was razed by Mughal Emperor Babar and a masjid was erected in its places; now the Hindu community wants that the original Ram Temple be built back on this site). We were first taken to the workshop where the model of the proposed Ram Temple was shown and then all the pillars and the ceilings which were in the process of being completed. The carvings on the pillars and ceiling are so intricate and wonderful to behold. Then, we saw the stone statues of Lord Rama and Sita which were apparently under the disputed site. The other statues of Lord Ram and Sita are almost 5 times in size but still your eyes would continue to linger on those simple stone statues.Note: Monkeys are all around and can play havoc if you open bags of things to eat. They are also a curious lot not to mention aggressive too; so take care of your cameras, phones and money too.
We were then given a talk on the matrys who were shot while demolishing the Babri Masjid in 1992 and shown the exact location which is now renamed as 'Shaheed Galli' (Road of Martys). To see the disputed site, you need to deposit all your belongings including medicines & wait in queue for over 1.5-2 hours. After which, you can see Hanuman Garhi an important temple (you need to climb about 70+ steps) dedicated to Lord Hanuman.

The Ramayana was brought to life on TV by Ramanand Sagar in 1986. As a child, I was fascinated by the epic and its places and since then, it had been my dearest wish to see Lord Rama' city. To be honest, I was sorely disappointed. Yes, there are hundreds of temples dedicated to the Lord and his humble disciple Hanuman, but the surroundings leave a lot to be desired; it is not even close to what is described in the Ramayana. The people of this city were written to have been idealistic, peace-loving and on the path of dharma but the impression that I got during this trip was nothing close to it. Ayodhya literally means 'one that cannot be conquered by war' yet people persist here persist in disputes, hatred and clashes.
Whatever happened to love and peace in your city, O Lord Rama?

Gaya

Unfinished Houses

What struck me most as I was travelling from the railway station to our dharamshala was how unfinished the houses were. The roads are narrow and traffic rules are not followed much here. I recommend that people who are new to Gaya should refrain from getting distracted while travelling on the road especially by foot; avoid speaking on mobile phones while travelling. I heard about the recent road rage incident where a person killed another simply because the latter overtook the former on the road and even though it shocked me at that instant, I realized that after my experience on the roads; it did not surprise me as much.

Gaya is named after the asura / demon Gayasura who after austere penance received a boon that anyone who saw him would eventually attain moksha. Ideally 'moksha' / salvation is attained by doing righteous deeds in this world so to prevent immoral people from attained salvation, Lord Vishnu the God of Harmony pushed him inside the ground thereby leaving his footprints in the stone which are visible to this day. The Vishnupad (Lord Vishnu' footprints) Temple was built at this site; the current structure is courtesy Rani Ahilyabai Holkar of Indore.

Vishnupad Temple

If you can trek to the Vishnupad Temple, then it is a must-do; it was about 1.5 km. trek for us but totally worth it since we were in exploratory mode. Except when you near the temple, be prepared to be assailed by the 'Begging Mafia'. They have their words down pat to make pilgrims visiting the temple give them money; but give it to one and you may very well be surrounded by the entire mafia. Luckily, I had a very good bodyguard in my friend whose look and words scared the most of them.
Once you enter Vishnupad Temple, pujaris will make a beeline for you in anticipation that you will do some 100+ pujas. On the left, you will see hordes of people doing the Pind-daan (prayers for salvation of ancestors); this being the most revered place in India to do so. We wanted to spend some time in this beautiful temple simply praying and meditating but that was difficult with the pujaris trying to get you to do pujas. Still, by God' grace, we managed to change spots about 3-4 times and spend about 5-minutes each in silence. You can literally feel some peace descending upon you; probably because the souls are at peace after Pind-daan is completed by their descendants.
There is an Akshayavat ('Immortal Banyan Tree') and then as you go down you see the barren Phalgu river. The story goes thus - Lord Ram who is the protagonist of the Ramayana (one of the ancient and sacred Hindu texts) and the seventh avatar of Lord Vishnu, came here with his wife Sita and brother Lakshman to do the Pind-daan for his father, King Dashratha. While Lord Ram and his brother Lakshman went to get the items required for the Pind-daan, King Dashrath appeared to Sita and asked her to do the Pind-daan immediately. She requested him to wait for his sons' return but he would not, so she did the Pind-daan with 5 witnesses - 1. Akshayavat 2. Phalgu river 3. Cow 4. Tulsi plant and 5. Brahmin. Now when Lord Ram came back, Sita told him that she had completed the Pind-daan and provided him with the 5 witnesses. Only the Akshayavat sided with Sita and told the truth whereas the rest did not say anything. Enraged, Sita cursed the four - Phalgu river to be barren, the cow to eat any waste from this land & not the rich fodder that was otherwise provided, the Tulsi plant to never be able to sustain growth here and the Brahmin to never be satisfied. I witnessed the effects of the curse first-hand - the Akshayavat that was blessed by Sita to be immortal stands majestic, the Phalgu river was barren, the cows simply ate anything they could lay their hands on and the brahmins never seemed to be satisfied with the amount of pujas they performed or the money offered to them by the devotees.
Amazing isn't it?

Sita Kund across the barren Phalgu river

Sita Kund across the barren Phalgu river, is a temple dedicated to Sita; apparently this is where she waited for Lord Rama and his brother.
On the way back, we went to the Mangala Gauri temple which is another one of the 18 Maha Shakti-Peeths (remember the story from Kashi?).

Some of our fellow-travelers had trekked to the nearby hill which provided a great view of the Vishnupad Temple; we did not try it but apparently the trek while long and hot (at least 2 liters of water should be carried), was worth the view from top.

Mahabodhi Temple

Bodhgaya was about 6 kms away and what a transformation! The temples are pristine and surroundings are much cleaner and well-maintained than the rest of Gaya. You can take a rickshaw ride to all the temples dedicated to Lord Buddha the founder of Buddhism. Bodhgaya is the holiest of pilgrimage sites in Buddhism. The MahaBodhi temple which was built by the great Emperor Ashoka
houses the Bodhi tree where Lord Buddha attained Nirvana / Enlightenment. In and around the tree, you can see monks and other people in deep meditation; we tried to do that to no avail because we were frequently distracted by the guides (maybe self-proclaimed) telling us stories without request. My friend Hetal got a leaf from the Bodhi tree from one such enthusiastic guide; she has been asked to put the same in a book which she has immediately after coming home from this trip.
Note: There is heavy checking & frisking at the gates and it is advisable to leave your bags at the free baggage counter near the entrance. There are clean bathrooms and drinking water for the use of pilgrims near the main gate.
Opposite the MahaBodhi temple, there is a temple dedicated to Lord Jagannath and next to it is the entrance to the Bodhgaya markets where you can get fabrics, shoes, bangles and other dressy accessories, decorative items for a steal.... i.e. if you are good at bargaining.

Buddhist Temples

There are Buddhist shrines built by other countries e.g. China, Japan, Myanmar, Nepal, Thailand, Tibet, Vietnam and the like. Each of these shrines have their very distinct country flair to it and you are mesmerized by the different artefacts in the temple other than the statue(s) of Lord Buddha.
Pssstt: The temples close around 5. If you want moments of solitude for quiet meditation or reflection, then sit outside on the marble steps leading to the temple. If you sit inside, there is a good chance that you would be distracted by the 'Selfie-maniacs'. We spent about an hour and curiously enough, nobody disturbed us till 6:00 p.m. when it was time for the main gate to close.

The Great Buddha Statue

Of course, you cannot miss the Great Statue of Buddha; which I think is the cover picture for
Bodhgaya promotions. The statue is 25m tall and what is impressive is that even the folds of the dress have been captured beautifully. Lord Buddha' face is indeed a picture of divine enlightenment; something that we should aspire towards... so much peace and contentment.

Kashi / Benaras / Varansi

I felt a strange unexplained power or an energy surge as I stepped into Kashi. From the air to the holy water of the Ganges, everything is designed perfectly for anyone to fall in love with Kashi.

Kashi is primarily the favorite city of Lord Shiva and Adi Shankarcharya established Shiva-worship as official sect of Kashi. It is said that Lord Shiva sent his 'ganas' (disciples) to check how his favorite city was faring and they set themselves up near Kashi and never returned to Lord Shiva. This made Lord Shiva curious and he sent some more ganas to find out if there was any problem. Those ganas did not make it back either. Even more curious now, Lord Shiva sent his son Lord Ganesh to Kashi and even he did not come back. This made Lord Shiva come down to Kashi only to find how his ganas and his son were well-settled in Kashi and very reluctant to leave this beautiful place. I can totally understand the feeling.

The Ghats at Kashi

It is the holiest of the seven holy cities ('Saptapuri) in Hinduism, Buddhism and even Sikhism is believed to have been originated here; hence it is aptly called the spiritual capital of India. Kashi has about 80+ Ghats out of which we were able to see about 50 of them during our journey to and from Kashi Vishwanath Temple by boat. Tip: Check the group prices for travel by boat and try to join the group that suits you if you are travelling alone or with just few friends. Members of our larger group paid between Rs. 100 to Rs. 200 for this tour.

The Ghats are stone embankments mostly built by the Marathas. They are connected by walkways and you can see the pilgrims do some rituals at almost all of them. It would have been great to hike through the various ghats but our kevat (boatman) said that it could take at least 2 days if you wanted to traverse all of them. I saw many people taking a walking tour and made a mental note to do just that the next time around. What a good photo-op that would be!
Of course, photo-ops from the boat are awesome as you can see.

Our Kevat at Kashi

Our kevat had some wonderful stories to say about Lord Shiva' links to Kashi.
It is believed that body part(s) and / or adornments of Sati / Shakti who is the first queen consort of Lord Shiva is here and hence there is one of 18 Maha Shakti Peeths i.e. Vishalakshi Temple dedicated to her. The story goes thus - Sati did severe penance to win Lord Shiva as her husband and much against the wishes of her father Daksha, she married Lord Shiva. Daksha held a ritual ('Daksha Yagna') and did not invite Sati and Lord Shiva. Sati still went to the Yagna thinking that she did not need an invite to go to her father' house but Lord Shiva refused to accompany her. Her father ignored her and insulted Lord Shiva and in that rage and sorrow, she jumped into the fire. Lord Shiva was enraged when he heard what happened and he kills Daksha but forgives and resurrects him later. But the sorrow of losing his beloved is too much and he wanders the world with Sati' corpse on his shoulders. Lord Vishnu is pained to see Lord Shiva in such distress and he severes Sati body into pieces and wherever such parts of her body fell, a temple or Shakti Peeth was dedicated to her. This temple is at Manikarnika Ghat where the Hindus cremate their dead.

Manikarnika Ghat

The cremations go on 24/7. It is believed that people who either die of natural causes or who are cremated here attain 'moksha' and go on to Lord Shiva' abode at Mount Kailash. People actually come here during the last phase of their life so that they can attain 'moksha' / salvation from the cycle of rebirth. I was told that I had come very early indeed; some people even asked me if I had any health problems. This when I looked as healthy as a horse and even my normal maladies when subject to extreme heat - headache, body ache and stomachache, seemed to have gone on vacation; God was indeed being kind to me.
Harishchandra Ghat too is another place where the Hindus cremate their dead. Many believe that this is older than the Manikarnika Ghat. King Harishchandra was known for his virtues of honesty, justice and generosity. When Sage Vishwamitra asked him for Dakshina, he gave away his kingdom, sold himself, his wife and son to slavery to pay off the Dakshina. He worked at the cremation grounds here in Kashi. He saw his wife only when she came with the corpse of their son who had died of snake-bite. King Harishchandra passed even this testing time with flying colors and this pleased God who handed back his kingdom and son to him.

Kashi Annapurna

Another story goes thus - Goddess Parvati also queen consort of Lord Shiva and reincarnation of Sati, was offended when Lord Shiva said that the whole world is an illusion 'maya' and anything materialistic including food was to be treated as such. She disappeared and suddenly the people of the world suffered from starvation and hunger. Moved by the plight of her people, she reappeared in Kashi and started offering cooked food to the people. On hearing this, Lord Shiva came there to bless her and since then she is worshiped here as Annapoorna Devi (giver of food and nourishment).

The pilgrims take a sacred dip in the Ganga before entering the temples. The most popular story of

Dip in the Ganga

Goddess Ganga descending to the earth begins thus - The sons of King Sagara disturbed the meditation of Sage Kapila and he was so enraged that he seared them to ashes. King Bhagiratha, one of the descendents of King Sagara prayed for Goddess Ganga to descend to the earth and give his anscestors 'moksha'. But Goddess Ganga' force and grace was too much for the earth to bear so King Bhagiratha appealed to Lord Shiva to break the fall of Goddess Ganga and Lord Shiva locked the flow in his matted hair. She was then led by a waiting King Bhagirath from the Himalayas to Prayag for confluence with Yamuna and then onto Kashi and then onto the netherworld to save the sons of King Sagara. Thus, it is believed that a dip in this holy river means absolution from your sins and eternal salvation.
I had heard that Ganga is one of the most polluted rivers with dead and half-burnt bodies and human waste / sewage and items used in rituals all floating around. However, I was pleasantly surprised to see no such thing. Our kevat told us that the Ganga is being cleaned courtesy the efforts of the government and dumping of bodies have also been banned. However, do not drink the water near the area where pilgrims take a dip in the Ganges. Some of our fellow-pilgrims drank the water there and subsequently spent the rest of the day throwing up, so beware.

Panchganga Ghat is the point of confluence of five rivers - Ganga, Yamuna, Saraswati, Dhupapa and Kirna. The waters don't really blend and you can spot different colors as in Triveni Sangam. I had heard that water of Ganga don't spoil no matter how many years pass by but the water from the confluences with other rivers does spoil. So, as an experiment, I filled in waters in different bottles from Ganga (Kashi), Triveni Sangam (Allahabad) and Panchganga (Kashi). The only difference that I really observed was that the waters of Ganga are clear whereas the waters from the confluences have a bit of color like a bit of yellow & brown. I am going to age the waters and check out when or if they ever spoil.

The most important temple i.e. Kashi Vishwanath Temple, is dedicated to Lord Shiva and is one of the 12 'Jyotirlingas' and the holiest of Shiva Temples. Legend has it that when Lord Brahma, the God of Creation and Lord Vishnu, the God of Harmony were having an argument as to who played a greater role in the world, Lord Shiva created a pillar of light that extended to all the worlds and he asked Lord Brahma and Lord Vishnu to find the end of this pillar. Both of them could not find the end but Lord Brahma lies whereas Lord Vishnu acknowledges the truth that he could not find the end. Lord Shiva blesses Lord Vishnu and says that he would be worshiped till the end of time whereas Lord Brahma would not be part of any daily worship. Lord Shiva then replicated this across 11 other locations which are known as Jyotirlinga. Kashi is thus the City of Light.
This temple structure has been destroyed and recreated multiple times and the creation of the present structure is attributed to Maratha queen Ahilyabai Holkar.
Note: Cameras, mobile phones etc. are not allowed inside the temple and you may be separated from the others during the course of your darshan. It is wise to decide on a meeting point and carry minimal stuff. You can leave your bags with the kevat or you can be the bearer of all bags and take darshan after at least one of your group members have returned. If you are alone, chances are very high that you could be fast-forwarded for darshan & you may be back before the big groups in your boat have finished their darshan. The temple is closed between 12:00 and 1:00 so if you are in line during that time then you have to kill the hour standing in the same line before darshan. You can also shop at the stalls; many people in our boat were ecstatic at the bargains they had negotiated.

Benaras has a thriving silk and muslin industry as well as other works of art. So, you could get saris and accessories here for a steal which may have you cringing about how much excess you paid for the same stuff in Mumbai. We were directed to a wholesaler Chandan Silks so we could get more saris in our budget. Once the saris and accessories start getting displayed, the sheer choice confuses you and then makes you want to increase your already large budget.
You could also visit the Ramnagar Fort (where the present Kashi Naresh / Maharaja of Varanasi resides), Jantar Mantar (an observatory near the Dashashmawedh Ghat), Benaras Hindu University, Sankat Mochan Hanuman Temple and Durga Temple.

Dashashmawedh Ghat

You need to be suitably rested before 5:30 p.m. so that you can get to Dashashmawedh Ghat for the spectacular viewing of the aarti by seven priests. You could take a rickshaw to a point from where there is a walk of about a km to this ghat or you could simply take the boat again. Our boat was parked in between Dashashmawedh Ghat and nearby Sitla Ghat so that we could view the aarti at both places. Children sell flowers and diyas which you can light and float into the Ganga. The sight of the flowers and diyas floating in the Ganga at night is spectacular. I want to also say that pictures or videos cannot do justice to the live feel of the aarti. The synchronized aarti by the priests overwhelm and leave you spell-bound.

Dashashmawedh Aarti

As I left Kashi, I felt I had left a piece of me behind so that I was motivated to go back soon.